Tuesday, 28 July 2015

2 steps forward 1 step back || Week 3

I hate that feeling when you think you've made a lot of progress and then everything takes that one big step back! Thats how this week has felt for me. I don't know if I've every spoken about it on here but I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety and about 4/5 months ago I was put on some medication, not just for anxiety but they are meant to help with that too. Since being on them I haven't had a panic  attack, don't get me wrong I still have days were anxiety is in full control but its never become too much, until Wednesday. :( I had a really long 2 weeks at work and I think its mainly due to exhaustion, worry and stress but I started to get panicky again on Wednesday, managed to control it but I think from then on I felt so horrible that it had nearly come to it again that I got more stressed and had panic attack on Friday :( I hate them. They make me feel so weak and as if I have no control over my body or feelings or anything, its a really unsettling feeling and I really wouldn't wish them on anyone! I always feel so embarrassed after too, mainly because people don't know whats been happening in my life, so therefore don't understand why I would have reason to be anxious and panicky but also because it makes me feel so vulnerable and I always think it makes others look at me like I'm weak and pathetic.

Wow that was a happy start wasn't it, I just felt like I needed to let that out, I'm the sort of person that bottles things up and then explodes either with sadness or with anger or I just shut myself away and don't talk to anyone and thats really not good but when I'm in that frame of mind talking to a person is just something I don't want to do. Thats mainly why I have changed my blog from all beauty to more lifestyle, its my way of letting things out without feeling like I piling all my problems onto some who doesn't really want to listen but feels like they have to, you guys can just click off, but I still get to let it all out and my keyboard takes the battering and not someones ears haha.

On a happier note I did some retail therapy this week with mother hen, as it was pay week and my birthday in August I like to treat myself to a little newness and some treasures! I'm going to be doing a haul video from Monday  (3rd August) so keep your eyes peeled for that! I'm seriously loving being back in front of the camera and editing my videos again! I really did miss it! :) 

If any of you have any advice on how to control a panic attack or relax myself if I start to feel anxious I would be very grateful!

Next weeks post will hopefully be a lot happier :D

Speak soon
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