At this time yesterday I was sat in the exact same spot with my laptop on my knee ready to type out a blog post, feeling motivated. Then just as I have done many times recently I feel into such a funk and low mood that words just didn't come to me.
I know I'm not the best writer and I find it extremely hard to put what I'm thinking into words, which is the main reason I switched from blogging to youtube, but having very low self esteem has caused me to not want to pick up the camera and film anything so I have turned back to my blog so I have somewhere to put down how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking, knowing that not many people will read, but it means I get it off my chest.
I'm a very private person and become very uncomfortable when asked about how I am or about a situation in my life and I'm the one that will just say 'I'm fine' When really I'm broken inside and so confused about life in general. I will do everything I can to change a subject away from myself. If I don't bring up a subject about myself to you its very unlikely I will open up about it when asked.
I have found recently that having a day of doing nothing after a day/days full of fun and friends causes me to just slip into a numb frame of mind, when all I want to do is curl up on my own and read a book or watch youtube and enter a different world so I don't have to deal with mine right that second.
Does anyone else have days like this?
The post I wanted to write yesterday was going to be about friendship and how we always talk about how long we've know someone and our best friends from childhood and school. We always assume these are the best friends in our lives and the ones we need by our side all the time, but this is something I have come to learn as not entirely true.
I entered this chapter of my life feeling very alone, after coming out of an 8 year relationship and most of my friends where because of that relationship. I had to start again, at least thats how it felt to me. I didn't just say goodbye to a boyfriend I said goodbye to so many other important people because I just became so uncomfortable being around them as a solo person and not a duo.
However the people I have in my life now know me as 'Cara' and not 'Cara And...' if that makes sense. When you're in a long term relationship the two people almost become a single person. I moved to London having to learn who 'Cara' the singular person was and although I know I'm not 100% there at all I am slowly becoming myself again, becoming the dorky person I used to be.
With help from 3 amazing girls <3 My housemates.
This is a part of my life I thought I had skipped, moving out and living with friends was something I never thought I'd experience. But here I am trying my hardest to make the most of every second. Having highs and lows along the way. But I can't thank these girls enough.
We spent Saturday night drink cocktails, laughing and playing golf. If you've never been to JunkYard golf before and are ever in the Brick Lane area I highly recommend you visit. I had the best time forgetting about the outside world. I lost at the golf but had so much fun in the process.
This is post is nothing like how I wanted it to be when I planned it in my head yesterday but sometimes its good to just sit and type what comes to your mind right? It doesn't flow and probably doesn't make much sense but I feel so much better for writing it!
I know I'm not the best writer and I find it extremely hard to put what I'm thinking into words, which is the main reason I switched from blogging to youtube, but having very low self esteem has caused me to not want to pick up the camera and film anything so I have turned back to my blog so I have somewhere to put down how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking, knowing that not many people will read, but it means I get it off my chest.
I'm a very private person and become very uncomfortable when asked about how I am or about a situation in my life and I'm the one that will just say 'I'm fine' When really I'm broken inside and so confused about life in general. I will do everything I can to change a subject away from myself. If I don't bring up a subject about myself to you its very unlikely I will open up about it when asked.
I have found recently that having a day of doing nothing after a day/days full of fun and friends causes me to just slip into a numb frame of mind, when all I want to do is curl up on my own and read a book or watch youtube and enter a different world so I don't have to deal with mine right that second.
Does anyone else have days like this?
The post I wanted to write yesterday was going to be about friendship and how we always talk about how long we've know someone and our best friends from childhood and school. We always assume these are the best friends in our lives and the ones we need by our side all the time, but this is something I have come to learn as not entirely true.
I entered this chapter of my life feeling very alone, after coming out of an 8 year relationship and most of my friends where because of that relationship. I had to start again, at least thats how it felt to me. I didn't just say goodbye to a boyfriend I said goodbye to so many other important people because I just became so uncomfortable being around them as a solo person and not a duo.
This is a part of my life I thought I had skipped, moving out and living with friends was something I never thought I'd experience. But here I am trying my hardest to make the most of every second. Having highs and lows along the way. But I can't thank these girls enough.
We spent Saturday night drink cocktails, laughing and playing golf. If you've never been to JunkYard golf before and are ever in the Brick Lane area I highly recommend you visit. I had the best time forgetting about the outside world. I lost at the golf but had so much fun in the process.
This is post is nothing like how I wanted it to be when I planned it in my head yesterday but sometimes its good to just sit and type what comes to your mind right? It doesn't flow and probably doesn't make much sense but I feel so much better for writing it!
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